the evening of may 26th, 2025

[leveretlipped]

i woke up at 6 AM this morning, bid my boyfriend farewell, and went to my local park to watch the sun rise. i realized after a few minutes how lonely i felt. the feeling has been pervasive for over a week now. it's odd because there's no reason for me to feel such a way.

i put my new photo album to good use by printing 50 4x6 pictures at CVS and organizing them within the plastic sleeves. i wrote the date the picture was taken and the names of the people in the picture on the back. my memory is poor and i'm sure i won't talk to most of these people anymore within the next 10 years. perhaps even 5. the plastic cover was ripped so i wove some black ribbon through the tear to make it seem intentional. there's a reason why it was on clearance, i suppose.

my mind seems to be deteriorating at a rapid pace. i say rapid because it's happening faster than i am comfortable with. i cry over nothing. i get angry over nothing. i am constantly worried that anything i put in my mouth is poisoned. i am constantly worried that the people around me want to harm me in some way. at this point, i don't know what to attribute my symptoms to. i want to be a counselor/therapist but i can't work my way around my own brain. it's rather pathetic.

i don't feel like i can talk about how i feel to other people lest i burden them even more so i'm writing everything here.

i seem to have soft-locked my game. i would really like to delete my current save and start over, but what if there's a chance to get rid of the soft-lock? i suppose it doesn't really work like that, though. and deleting my save file risks getting rid of all of my progress so far. all of my memories. all of my relationships. and what if i can no longer access the game afterwards? what if it all fades to black? very unfortunate circumstance.