the evening of june 2nd, 2025

[leveretlipped]

finished being overstimulated about 5 minutes ago. taking off my makeup and drawing for a bit seemed to help. speaking of which, i've been getting invested in art again. i wrote a one-shot fic (which i will NOT be posting under this name for fear of persecution) and i practiced a lot of anatomy today. i rediscovered my love for sketching, something i thought i lost a long time ago.

the question i want to ask myself now is... what made me stop drawing in the first place?

it couldn't have been the abuse and stuff, right? that would make me feel really pathetic if that were the case. imagine you get diddled and you're like.. i'm never drawing again. like what kind of sense does that make? i don't know. maybe i'm overthinking it.

i've spent the past few days (since wednesday, i believe?) at my bf's apartment. i think i'll go home tomorrow. i mean, we don't officially live together or anything, so.. i'm simply a visitor. which makes me extremely depressed because my brain says "you guys should be living together by now!! it's what was foretold for you!!" but. i guess that's not how life is. my brain also says that he's holding off on living with me so he can leave me if the urge strikes him.

my brain is a very unreliable narrator.